26
Nov
09

Thanksgiving, a day to remember… or not

It’s very easy to think of topics to write about on a blog devoted to Austin night life, but when I go home to Podunk, USA (okay so Midland is far from Podunk, but it seems that way when contrasting night life to that in Austin) I can only think of three things to do. One is to go to the drive in movie theatre, and the other two I can’t even mention here.

I’ve compiled a list of the best Thanksgiving Day drinking games to give you all a way to get wild on the holidays without even leaving home. They are sure to make the festivities memorable, even if you can’t the next day.

Here they are:

College Jolt’s Thanksgiving Day Drinking Game

This one’s pretty basic.  Just take a drink anytime someone says the following:

  1. “Can you pass the (insert any food item here)?”
  2. “White or dark meat?
  3. “Just a small piece.”
  4. “Mmm…I love (again, any food item)”
  5. “How’s school going?”
  6. “This is really good.” (or any other compliments to the host)
  7. “Would anybody like any more…?” (This could be anything)
  8. “I’m going to need a nap after this.”
  9. “What’s the score?” (referring to football)
  10. And the most obvious which I cannot pass up-”I’m so full!”

Pax Romano’s Thanksgiving Day Drinking Game

  1. Every time someone says, “If I eat anything else, I am going to burst” – TAKE A SHOT
  2. Every time someone compliments the host/hostess on the bird, “Gee Aunt Flossie, this turkey is so moist!” – TAKE A SHOT
  3. When the gay or lesbian cousin/son/daughter uncomfortably introduces their date/partner to the other guests as “My friend” – TAKE A SHOT
  4. When the host/hostess proclaims, “I forgot the cranberries!!” – TAKE A SHOT
  5. If someone says, “I hate sweet potatoes.” – TAKE A SHOT
  6. Every time a relative says, “I can’t believe its Thanksgiving already.”- TAKE A SHOT
  7. If someone follows this up by saying, “It’ll be Christmas before you know it!” – TAKE A SHOT.
  8. If the host/hostess is playing holiday music in the background – TAKE TWO SHOTS, you’ll need them.
  9. Per food compliment (“great yams” “excellent stuffing” “fabulous turnips” etc…) TAKE A HALF SHOT.
  10. Family arguments that escalate to physical confrontations – TAKE THREE SHOTS
  11. Inappropriate sexual remarks made by anyone to any of the other guests. – TAKE A SHOT
  12. Depending on how many there are, TAKE A SHOT, per passed out guest on the sofa in the living room while football game is one – if pants are undone, TAKE A SHOT AND A HALF.
  13. If some one curses out someone else – TAKE A SHOT: If they are related: TAKE TWO SHOTS.
  14. When the first big dramatic proclamation occurs (“I’m gay” “I just quit my job” “My therapist says that I am so screwed up because of you, Uncle Jake!” “Yee haw, I just got my third DWI”) TAKE A SHOT (Note, IF YOU MAKE THE PROCLAMATION, YOU HAVE WON, THE GAME IS OVER)

Drink Wiki’s Food Network Thanksgiving Special Drinking Game

Tune into the Food Network and take a drink when:

  1. Any time Alton Brown shows a Chemical Formula
  2. Giada says ‘crisp’ or ‘light and delicious’.
  3. Alton says ‘brings flavor to the party’ or ‘wash those ____ hands!’.
  4. Emeril says ‘BAM!’, ‘kick it up a notch’ or ‘Yah, babe’.
  5. Paula talks about buttah.
  6. Rachael Ray says ‘EVOO’, ‘yummo’, ‘delish’, or ‘sammie’.
  7. Sara Moulton uses any form of the word “simple” or “simply”.

The Bachelor Guy’s Official Thanksgiving Football Drinking Game

During the games, everyone takes a drink whenever any of the following happens:

1. CBS and/or their announcers show off their incredibly lame Thanksgiving Game MVP trophy.

2. Any close-ups of celebrity “fans” that are in attendance at the game – who (as coincidence would have it) also happen to star in that network’s shows.

3. If announcers plug any of the following shows right as a play is about to develop:
CSI (any version)
60 Minutes
Two and a Half Men
Survivor
House
The Simpsons
Family Guy
The Next Great American Band
American Idol

BONUS: Everyone takes a second drink if the other announcer makes some lame comment designed to make us think he actually watches the show.

4. Whenever there is a shot of a completely unappreciated behind-the-scenes crew member waiving to the camera while mouthing “Happy Thanksgiving” to his family at home celebrating without him, as the announcers say how much they appreciate him and his “efforts” – shout “Here’s to you!’ and drink in his honor of working during the holiday to put this game on so you don’t have to spend the night talking to relatives. (Take a second drink if his kids are mentioned.)

5. Any time there is a gratuitously long close-up shot of the cheerleaders. (Actually do not drink for this, just ogle.)

6. If the animated FOX football-playing robot shown before and after commercial breaks is dressed as a turkey, pilgrim or Indian, take 5 drinks.
BONUS: FOX is running a contest to name this robot. The first guy in your group to actually attempt to come up with a name has to take 3 drinks. If the name he comes up with is something lame like “Robo-Back”, hit him with the bottle. 7. Any shot of a female fan holding a sign with a heart symbol and the words “Tony” or “Romo”.
BONUS: If she’s hot, take 3 more drinks to drown your jealousy over all the incredible tail he gets.

8. If anybody in your group comments “That Tony Romo is good looking guy”, take a drink. If it is a guy who makes this comment, drink is preceded by a long, uncomfortable pause. If the word “cute” is used in place of “good looking”, drink until you throw up.

9. If an announcer makes a reference to Tony Romo and his celebrity hookups, drink.

10. If anyone makes a reference to NY Jets head coach Eric Mangini and his celebrity hookups, chug a whole bottle if this actually happens.

11. Someone watching with you asks, “Do the players get distracted by that yellow line on the field?”, drink, then throw your empty glass at them.

12. If anyone in your group snickers at, or makes a stupid comment about, the BJ on the back of the back judge’s uniform, make them chug.
Note: The guy who made the comment also has to make the next beer run.

13. An announcer uses the word differential, as in “the touchdown differential between these two teams is huge.” It an unnecessarily big word to be used during a football game.

14. If there is a discussion about the Patriots going undefeated.
BONUS: Chug while jogging around the coffee table if the term “run the table” is used.

15. An announcer mentions that Terrell Owens is “really trying to be a better teammate”.

16. Any comments on how tough the New York media is on any Jets player or member of the coaching staff.

17. If Phil Simms talks about his playing days with Bill Parcells, drink.

18. If Troy Aikman mentions any game he played on Thanksgiving, drink.

19. If a celebrity joins the announcers in the booth, take 3 drinks and hit the mute button. Unless the guest is Charles Barkley, then turn up the volume.

20. If the announcers incorrectly predict how a replay challenge will go, you lose a drink. If it’s Phil Simms and he is “positive” about his prediction – and he’s wrong, as usual – pour the bottle down the sink.

21. If announcers acknowledge the troops watching the games overseas, shout “USA” three times and do a shot.

22. If announcers discuss how Roger Goodell is cracking down on discipline, take a small sip. Quietly.

23. If there’s any mention of dog-fighting/Pacman Jones/steroid suspensions/Ricky Williams, pour a drink on the floor for your homies who couldn’t be here tonight.

24. Any shot of a player using smelling salts or oxygen, then it’s beer bong time.

25. If Peyton Manning throws his hands up in frustration, yell “Oh, come on!” and take a drink.

26. Any time the camera finds Brett Favre’s wife in the stands, or if the announcers mention her overcoming her illness and how Brett dealt with it, drink. If both happen at the same time, chug.

27. Any mention of Brett Favre’s career game right after his father passed away.

28. Any play made by a guy with long dreadlocks, shout “Yeah, Mon!” and chug a Red Stripe.

29. If announcers comment that Marion Barber runs “hard” or “tough”, do a shot of whiskey. If the term “smashmouth football” is uttered at any time, do two extra shots.

30. For every sideline/owner’s box shot of Jerry Jones, take a drink.
BONUS: Do a spit take if it’s a tight shot on his face.

31. Anytime Jon Kitna removes his helmet, yell “Put it back on!”, chug whatever is left in your glass, and place the empty glass on your head.

32. If anyone dares mention of Detroit coach Joe Cullen going through the Wendy’s drive-through buck-naked, everyone watching must drop their pants, and drink.

33. For every mention about how nice and likeable Tony Dungy is, drink a wine cooler.

34. For every reference to Peyton Manning being smart, take a drink.

35. For every reference to Joey Harrington not being smart, pour the drink down the front of your shirt.

36. If a coach signals time-out right before a field goal attempt, drink. Then a second later, drink the exact same amount again.
BONUS: If any announcer uses the phrase “icing the kicker”, pull a bottle of vodka out of the freezer and do a shot.

37. If the referee forgets to turn on his microphone during a penalty call and/or forgets to turn it off after he makes the call, drink from an empty glass.

38. If a coach halfheartedly tosses the red challenge flag and it doesn’t go more than five yards, everyone yells “Lame!” and chugs a malt beverage with their non-throwing hand.

Special “First Half Only” Rules –
These rules are only in effect for the first half of games, since if applied for entire game, it would lead to alcohol poisoning:

39. Every time an interception is thrown by Joey Harrington or Byron Leftwich (should he get in the game).

40. Airing of any Peyton Manning commercial.

41. Any airing of the “This is Our Country” Chevy Silverado commercials.

42. Terrell Owens mugs for the camera and/or shakes his head in disbelief, amusement, or a show of pure unadulterated self love.

43. Any reference to Brett Favre’s age.

44. Any reference to Brett Favre playing like a kid again.

Winner:
Winner is determined by last guy able to stand after a full turkey dinner, 3 games and over nine hours of football.

USA Today’s Thanksgiving Day Drinking Game

  1. Every time someone unbuttons his/her pants, take a drink.
  2. Each time someone makes that uncomfortable “Unnnh” noise when they rise from a seated position, take a drink. 
  3. Each time someone screams at the TV, take two drinks.
  4. Take two drinks for each person napping.
  5. Take three drinks each time an old person mentions the weather. (In the end, the last one standing gets first pick at leftovers.)

Hope you all enjoy and please drink responsibly!

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6 Responses to “Thanksgiving, a day to remember… or not”


  1. November 26, 2009 at 7:17 pm

    If I would have followed these drinking games directions, I would have been WASTED!

  2. 2 Cassandra H
    November 29, 2009 at 12:51 am

    Grant, those seem to be very complicated but definitely fun. Which is your favorite to play?

  3. November 29, 2009 at 10:29 am

    That would be an intense Thanksgiving. For the morning after, check out my Austin Brew post, because a hangover would be guaranteed. http://austinbrew.wordpress.com/2009/11/28/after-a-night-of-too-much-drinking/

  4. November 29, 2009 at 3:12 pm

    I love this post! Wish I could have put these to use this Thanksgiving, but my grandparents didn’t really seem as excited about them as me….

  5. 5 Tim
    November 29, 2009 at 8:34 pm

    Wait, I think we should have done this post! Just kidding, this was an awesome job and reminds me of a Thanksgiving two years ago. I decided to spend it with some friends in College Station instead of my family. We downed two bottles of wine with our turkey and drank margaritas the rest of the day. It was the best Thanksgiving I’ve ever had.

  6. November 29, 2009 at 9:09 pm

    haha, wow, this is quite a list. The “offical list” is crazy long but perhaps some of these can be adapted for my upcoming New Year’s party. (It will be bowl season!) Maybe consider beer instead of hard alcohol? Kathrine’s right, some of the rules = wastey-faced for alot of people.


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